We have been home from Ug for two weeks now. The first week was filled with conversations with our agency working things out with our case and dealing with lots of details. Details like fingerprints and USCIS clearance. Part of our dossier (used in international adoption, it is just a collection of detailed information on our family) includes USCIS (immigration services) clearance. Our USCIS clearance is part of the process we have to go through to bring J home. Part of that clearance requires us to get fingerprints. Our case has taken so long that those fingerprints are about to expire and soon our advanced application will expire. So, that first week home was spent working on those details.
The second week home, like the first was filled with dealing with details on our case but has also been very emotional. We all know how it happens when we are going through a tough time...life slows down a bit and we get back to normal, and things hit us. There have been so many times in the last couple of weeks of just praying and feeling completely at a loss as to what to say. If you follow Christ, then you know all the phrases we say to each other...God is sovereign, God is in control, God's timing is the best, and we know that all things work together for good for those that love the Lord. I believe every single one of those and have said them myself hundreds of times. But there are those times when we just need to cry out to God. I know for myself though it is easy to feel like I can't share that side of my relationship with God. We have to be strong...quote all the scriptures and repeat all the catch phrases... Well, maybe it is just me, but do we tend to think sometimes that God isn't big enough to handle our laments? Or do we feel guilty because we think that we are complaining?
As I dealt with these emotions, I am so thankful that my Bible study group was in chapter 9 of the book "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp last week. It amazes me how much more I am catching this second time reading her book. I had never really spent much time thinking about the difference between lamenting and compaining. I love the way she defines both of them.
Can I just be David, and evening and morning and at noon, complain and murmur, mourn the mother's lament of dependent faith that God will hear myvoice?
As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaint is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment., a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart.
page 174, 175
The Israelites in Numbers 11 kindle God's anger because of their discontent and bitterness towards God. But, Moses himself complains. Why isn't God's anger kindled towards Moses? The difference is Moses took his complaints to God while the people complained to one another and accomplished nothing. Moses took his complaint to God, who could solve any problem.
What an incredible God we serve that we can go to him and lament and complain and know that he hears us. That despite all I know to be true about God, I can go to him and say, "I believe, but help me in my unbelief".
True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic.
My dear friend, Jenn, sent J a wonderful book this month! A Family for Eve by Kristan Keefe Struck is the story of a little chick who needs a family. Hank the houndhog and the other farm animals know just the family for her. They call for Cleo, the cat, who is a mommy to three kittens, a bunny, and a duck! The story shows how their family is formed and the questions that Eve asks when another farm animal, Gracie, the goat gives birth. The story of Eve and Cleo is a great way to start conversations about adoption and how your family was created! This book has been described as the perfect bridge book to help your child move to the next level in their questions. I not only love the sweet story in this book but also that it can be used for domestic or international adoption. Looking forward to the day when I can read this to J!
Whether born in a heart or born in a tummy, a mommy is a mommy who always loves you!
"For the Lord your God is living among you.He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
It is so good to come home! We have been in Ug for the past two and half weeks. We were originally only supposed to be there for a week to attend our court hearing. But, while we were there for court our case changed. I wish I could tell the whole story but I can't because our case is ongoing and alot of the story is not ours to share it is J's. While we were so thankful to get that much time with J it is not at all what we had planned. When the case changed we had to redo paperwork and our lawyer had to re file our case. We are back to where we started from...waiting for a court date!
Jason and I have gone through all the emotions on this one. We have been angry, frustrated, sad, and disappointed. As Christ followers though, we know that God is sovereign and we know that he is in control of all things. But living like that is hard sometimes because we don't understand! That is where faith comes in...we had to choose to trust God and know that whatever his plan is, it is infinitely better than anything we could come up with! We are so thankful for family and friends who showed us so much love through prayers and encouragement while we were there! We know that God used you all to help bring us peace.
I just had to share pics of J. I wish I could show his face and beautiful smile! SOON!! We had such a great time getting to know him and his sweet personality! He loves to play with cars and watch cars. Our apartment was on the 2nd floor and faced the entrance to the building so you could easily hear and see the cars coming and going. His favorite thing was to have a chair in front of the window and watch the cars!
Please continue to pray for a quick court date! We miss that sweet boy and can't wait for him to be home!
"Better to love God and die unknown than to love the world and be a hero; better to be content with poverty than to die a slave to wealth; better to have taken risks and lost than to have done nothing and succeeded at it! -E. Lutzer
I follow Christ and try to bring him glory in what I do. I am fallen and imperfect and so thankful for Christ who died for my sins. This blog is just a way to share how our family is trying to grow deep roots in God.